As time dared to march on, joy and sorrow coexisted in my heart. I cried easily and felt deeply. I was still sad, and even in miserable anguish at times. But God was showing me there was also room for joy as I leaned into the Holy Spirit.
At the time, waiting on the Lord felt like that would be my new life. It felt crushing to go seemingly long periods without hearing from Him. I could not see it, but He was using the waiting to build endurance, which I would need as part of courage to live in pain.
What was my motivation to live? I would like to be able to tell you, Jesus was my motivation to keep on- that I wanted to do God’s will and seek Him first in all things. The truth is it was our second born son, Drew.
Intense grieving did not begin immediately. I wasn’t being phony, but shock and the Holy Spirit gave me an appearance of dealing seemingly well with the loss in the immediate aftermath.
Does hearing their name cause comfort or pain?
Those who had not experienced the great loss of a loved one, were inclined to think saying Nicholas’ name would cause me more pain.
This was not possible. I was in misery and longed for my loved one to be remembered.
Learning to live after loss is a blog for anyone who has suffered the sting of death and is struggling to find their way to learn how to live again.
