What does God’s sufficient grace really mean? God is shedding favor on me? It doesn’t feel like favor. I tried to do everything right. Did I deserve this? I loved God. I obeyed Him and served Him. I knew I was nothing without Him. But maybe, I subconsciously thought God owed me something in exchange.
I cried out to God
When my beautiful firstborn child was taken away, I cried out to my Lord and my God, begging Him to let me keep him, begging Him for favor. I had not asked for much. But I asked for this: Please Lord God, do not take my child. Please Father in Heaven, please give him back to me. Isn’t the world better with him in it? Please do this and we will proclaim your Glory to the ends of the Earth. Everyone will know this could only be You. And I believe with every fiber of my being that You can do this. All power in heaven and earth are in Your hands.
God said no
Do you know what He said? No. He said No. And it wasn’t because I didn’t exhibit enough faith. He said No because it was His Will to do so. My world was crushed. The pain was greater than anything I could ever imagine. A dark hole consumed me, and I did not want to climb out. I felt completely wasted and weak.
My faith was tested
Over time and some other things the Holy Spirit was doing to put my broken heart back together again, I began to realize I was in the greatest spiritual battle I had ever faced. And I was losing. Had my faith just been this fragile thing with no substance? I had been tested before and God’s grace had pulled me through. But this was different. I was not sure I wanted to pull through.
The battle belongs to the Lord
The thing about spiritual battles, you must be willing to put on your armor and fight. It is not going to feel like a fair fight. Satan and his minions fight dirty. I had to discover that if I was going to win this battle, the battle was not really mine. The battle was the Lord’s, and so was the Victory. There is more power in one puff of His breath than Satan’s entire army and arsenal of evil combined. I just had to yield to Him.
Why exactly is it so hard to yield? Why does fighting a spiritual battle feel like it should be my fight when He has told me He will fight for me? The willingness to engage in the battle is all about submitting to the will of the One who made me, gave His Son to save me, and is willing to keep me forever. It feels so backwards from my natural understanding because it is. God-things defy human logic. My proud heart wants to do it in my own strength when yielding requires humility.
God’s grace does prove to be sufficient
The key to staying humble is to never get over what God did for me by giving His Son to die in my place so I could live. I knew this but needed to be reminded. And needed to be thankful. I deserved death in hell and so did my son. But God gave us eternal life. And when Jesus Christ conquered the grave, He took away the sting of death and proclaimed victory forever. The work He accomplished on the cross when His Son paid for our sins was sufficient to save Nicholas and me. And the constant availability of His grace would prove to be sufficient to help me endure my worst imaginable suffering.
My head could then conclude God’s Grace is Sufficient to save us and keep us for eternity. And what does He ask of me? He only asks me to keep looking up and stay connected to Him. He is the Faithful One, not me.When I am prone to forget, He will be faithful to remind me as I continue to learn to live victoriously! With no more struggles. The End.
But was it the end? In the next blog post, I will try to answer the question, “Is God Enough?”.
For now, as has become familiar, I will leave you with this encouraging Word of Truth.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9, ESV
We never want to hear, “no.” But, just in Paul’s case, it is when the answer is “no” we get the assurance that His grace is sufficient. We want the grace, we need the grace, and we know it. But, we experience the grace and God Himself, through these dark and difficult times.
It is the most difficult thing to trust that God loves you when the answer to your most fervent prayer is “no”. I have been grieving so hard because families staying together is God’s will. It’s so difficult praying for God to hold your family together and still get “no.” It shakes your faith, and you wonder why he didn’t preserve it.
Our brother David wrote many songs about crying out to God. So we are in good company. May we also conclude, like him, our God can be trusted and deserves our praise. Love and prayers, my friend.
Although I DO NOT like the “no”, I’m learning that it causes me to rely more heavily on my Father and His strength and His will. Sometimes I think when the answer is “yes” I become too boastful thinking His favor is more about some good I’ve done rather than the truth, it’s all because of His love, grace, and mercy for His broken daughter.
yes, dependence on Him as He puts us back together!
Ohhhhhh… you and I share soooo many of the same thoughts, questions and feelings! Thanks for your “ gift “ of verbalizing them soooo perfectly!!❤️🙏. Thank YOU for taking all of US on this “healing journey” with you!!
We never want to hear, “no.” But, just in Paul’s case, it is when the answer is “no” we get the assurance that His grace is sufficient. We want the grace, we need the grace, and we know it. But, we experience the grace and God Himself, through these dark and difficult times.
Amen, my love.
It is the most difficult thing to trust that God loves you when the answer to your most fervent prayer is “no”. I have been grieving so hard because families staying together is God’s will. It’s so difficult praying for God to hold your family together and still get “no.” It shakes your faith, and you wonder why he didn’t preserve it.
Our brother David wrote many songs about crying out to God. So we are in good company. May we also conclude, like him, our God can be trusted and deserves our praise. Love and prayers, my friend.
Although I DO NOT like the “no”, I’m learning that it causes me to rely more heavily on my Father and His strength and His will. Sometimes I think when the answer is “yes” I become too boastful thinking His favor is more about some good I’ve done rather than the truth, it’s all because of His love, grace, and mercy for His broken daughter.
yes, dependence on Him as He puts us back together!
Ohhhhhh… you and I share soooo many of the same thoughts, questions and feelings! Thanks for your “ gift “ of verbalizing them soooo perfectly!!❤️🙏. Thank YOU for taking all of US on this “healing journey” with you!!
Ahh, thank you. May God be glorified!