If you recall from the last blog, the three Practical Ways I fight to live another day:
Call on my Prayer Warriors – asking those who have indicated they want to pray for me to do so.
Cultivate a Heart of Gratitude – counting what I am thankful for every day, especially eternal life.
Show Love – looking for opportunities to show love while my own heart is still broken.
In addition to those, some other things I did proved to be helpful. These are the What Elses. As in what else did I do to learn to live again after loss?
The What Elses include:
a healthy diet
exercise
sleep
good music
bible study
Even though I struggle to do it, I know I should have a healthy diet and exercise. When I do them consistently, I feel better. But honestly, they seemed too great a hill to conquer when I was trying to live to the next hour. It was helpful when one of my prayer warriors could double up in accountability. My struggle here continues but lessens as I continue in the fight. In full disclosure, in the first nine years after Nicholas died, I gained 30 pounds, which I have lost this past year. Check out the blog from January 2nd entitled, What About That Grief Weight.
I struggled every night to fall asleep
Sleep is essential. I struggled every single night to fall asleep. But it got better. I tried various combinations of over the counter medication under my physician’s guidance. So far, I am satisfied enough that I have not pursued other sleep aids. I also find listening to restful music on a timer as I fall asleep helps settle my thoughts.
In the early days, I dreaded going to bed. I knew when I laid my head on the pillow, my thoughts were going to be consumed with grief I didn’t want to deal with. I started asking my prayer warriors to pray for me to be able to fall asleep and stay asleep, and I disciplined myself to turn the music on.
It certainly helped to make myself go to bed at a regular time. If I knew I didn’t have to get up early the next day, I could easily stay up too late binge-watching or reading. Night-time Julie was not a friend to morning Julie. Morning Julie has cursed night-time Julie on many occasions. I do not love being disciplined. Night-time Julie says why can’t I just stay up and do what I want? When really I was avoiding the inevitable ferris wheel of grief. Then I would crash and wonder how this happened? Morning Julie was there waiting with a smirk. When I became more disciplined in my sleep, I developed a much healthier pattern for being disciplined in other areas, like walking and dieting.
I filled my mind with Truth, not lies
Another essential was filling my mind with Truth about Who God is. Satan wants me to believe lies. He is the father of lies and he wants to rip my life apart so he can accuse me before God’s Throne. He knows he won’t win in the end, but wouldn’t it be a victory to take me down, at least make my life ineffective for God’s Kingdom? When I felt so weak and unable to even formulate a good defense, struggling to remember all those things I knew to be true about who God is, MUSIC got through. Music. I know I just talked about music helping quiet my thoughts so I could fall asleep, but it was also very helpful in letting Truth in. God designed and authored music to resonate in our soul. And it transcends the mutterings of our lips and thoughts of incoherency in times of deep sorrow. I listened to good music that reminded and taught me the Truth about God’s character and I still do. This tore down the destructive lies that threatened to wallpaper my mind and replaced it with a healthy knowledge of Who God is. I have music on every day.
When I am not in God’s Word, I feel far away from Him. Until I could get back to making good Bible study a consistent part of my routine, I bought a Children’s Bible Story Book and read familiar stories. My pastor’s wife recommended The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name, by Sally Lloyd-Jones. I grew up with these stories in Sunday School and they reminded me of who God is. God used the Truths I recalled to help me in the fight against satan’s lies. When I absolutely could not focus on a single word, I went back to just music for a time. And then I would try again, asking God, by His Spirit, to help guide me and He did.
While the three Practical Ways are the main considerations, the What Elses will be good goals to strive for to aid in your survival and healing. I hope you have found them helpful. I am committed to praying for every person God uses this blog to reach. Even if I do not know you by name, God does. And I can bring even the un-named before His Throne of Grace for healing and courage as they learn to live after loss.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 ESV
